When men were men

When observations take a toll on your mind, they make you frustrated and create an irresistible, inescapable urge to rant. Maybe this post is an example of the burden of silence. I call it the Fair-N-Handsome effect (no offense meant to the brand and the company). Let’s just say that the world has more women than men because there are a lot of men who are actually women, in disguise. These are some of the common symptoms of this infection that calls for immediate emasculation of such feminists:-

1. You’ll find them sticking in and around girls, looking to make an impression that would delight the girl and “make her day”.

2. “Guddi, tujhe kya chahiye? Pepsi. Abhi lekar aata hoon. Arey sun, tujhe My Can chahiye ya woh 500 ml ki bottle?”
Help yourself.

3. The guy will try to make inky-pinky pansy-wansy Barbie doll impressions, act intentionally foolish (Or maybe is naturally foolish. I am yet to figure the logic out here.) and at loss with his sense of humour.

4. The guy won’t be a sport lover. Generally. If he fancies David Beckham over Ronaldinho as to who is the better football player, then you can probably make the judgment that he is infected.

5. The guy will like the colour pink, try to be overtly metro sexual, go gaga over Shah Rukh Khan’s 6-pack abs and will have assumed that MTV Roadies is the revolution that is the saviour of the Indian youth, like HRD Minister Arjun Singh.

6. The guy will cherish his collection of fairness creams (purchased with an effort that could have been wasted in better things) and will live in the hope that one day the darkness of his skin will pave the way for bright lights that would make girls freak out at his sight. Yes, freak out in ecstasy.

The raw truth is that there should be some space in life to do what you have to do with women and all the associated madness. But at least it would be wise to not lose yourself in the process.

One more thing, if you have had a newborn baby recently, please throw it over your rooftop to be blessed by God.

Save yourself.

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Do what I tell you

Return of the self-proclaimed king.

US State Department: “We would hope that the Indian government, or any government that was engaging with the Iranians, including with President Ahmadinejad, would call on him to meet the requirements that the Security Council and the international community has placed on him in terms of suspending their uranium enrichment activities and complying with other requirements regarding their nuclear programme”.
US would “encourage” India to ask Iran to end its “rather unhelpful activities with respect to Iraq, with respect to support for terrorism, including organisations like Hezbollah and Hamas, and to otherwise become a more responsible actor on the world stage”.

We all know how the US of A likes to interfere in the foreign policies of so many countries when it comes to preserving their own suspicions of other ones. And now they have once again tried to poke their noses into Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s upcoming visit to India. This is what the MEA replied:-

India and Iran are ancient civilisations whose relations span centuries. Both nations are perfectly capable of managing all aspects of their relationship. Neither country needs any guidance on the future conduct of bilateral relations.

Seems like a fitting reply then, doesn’t it? When India is considering boosting diplomatic ties with Iran and, of course, work out the Iran-Pakistan-India gas pipeline project, there comes a typical American statement that thinks it can influence our minds and make us bow down. The Left may not have it all right, but they are mostly spot on with their statements about the US and her Big Brother-like behaviour.

By the way, Happy Birthday to Sachin Tendulkar.

Say hello to league cricket

In what is set to turn cricket into a rabid, monstrous business, the Indian Premier League kicked off in Bangalore amid the hype that is certainly here to stay. It’s cricket, cricket and more cricket than ever. The obsession just got worse. Fast-paced matches, inter-city rivalries, cheerleaders who make as much of an impression as the players and most importantly – a format of the game that seems to be played on steroids and takes passion in the Gentleman’s game to a whole new level.

Never before has India witnessed such an extravaganza in sport (although inter-city rivalries do exist in football’s I-League). Never before has an Indian crowd expressed an unnatural silence when Rahul Dravid hits a four, and followed it up with ecstasy at his dismissal. Never before have the corporates and film stars been so heavily involved with sport. This is a new era.

But this is league sport just the way it should be. It has existed for years in other countries and people thrive on their local clubs and cities coming up and delivering trophies and garnering acclaim and applause. It is new here. But you could clearly see that the Eden Gardens welcomed Brendon McCullum like a home-grown hero and went berserk at the dismissal of VVS Laxman, the architect of India’s famous win over Australia in the same ground seven years ago.

This will eventually benefit India, despite the opinions of cynics and critics of the league. Imagine the amount of experience the youngsters will gain in this tournament. They will get used to playing with the best, playing in front of huge crowds, playing with passion and working towards becoming national heroes. All that remains is for us to welcome them with open arms.

Let’s say cricket just got sexier.

Vadodara catastrophe – An unfeeling from hell

When 41 children die in a road mishap, then we can probably compare such a tragedy to any national calamity that has been a part of the past and our instant reaction would have to be OH-MY-GOD, even if you are an atheist. This particular tragedy took place today in the city of Vadodara in Gujarat when a bus carrying 44 people (41 among them children, most studying in standards 8th and 9th) fell into the 60-foot deep Narmada canal with reports stating that the driver lost control of the bus.

The state government has announced a one lakh rupees compensation package for each of the victims, but there is truly no recovering from such damage. Sometimes life throws up situations that are beyond human control. And when our weaknesses (read children) are the ones affected, then every other thing seems very, very ordinary.

Reality’s harshness was belligerently exposed in this mishap, but the root cause of such life-altering events is us, we the inexplicably ignorant people. I won’t say that this particular disaster was a result of reckless driving until proven so, but India’s roads are as far from being safe as an Indo-Pak resolution on the Kashmir issue. Add to that, our attitude, craze for road rage and need for the thrill of speed play key roles. There should be space for them, but buses in public places don’t exactly justify the heed we pay to our needs.

The following is an extract from a Reuter’s report, where if I imagine the victim’s kin as myself, then the feeling is bloodcurdling. Even just the feeling.

“My daughter was going for her last examination today,” Bhikiben, one of the bereaved mothers, told Reuters Television.

“She was very happy that her holidays were to begin, but now everything has ended for her,” she said.

May peace be upon them.

[Image courtesy: Instigator Blog]

U, Me Aur Hum – A birdbrain’s delight

I always make an effort to watch the right movies when I do watch movies. And here’s one more case where I made a mistake I whole-heartedly regret. I saw U, Me Aur Hum with a group of friends. And I have to say – it was an exhilarating experience.

Ajay Devgan is actually a very talented actor who has produced spell-binding performances in the past, in all kinds of movies. But he definitely lost track of this one as his directorial debut featured everything that you don’t want to see from an actor of his excellence – despicable SMS jokes included in the movie out of clear-cut lack of creativity in the script, unwarranted one-liners aimed at motivating us into sexual overdrive, unfitting romantic sequences and an Alzheimer’s with bonus days.

Some of the scenes in this movie are so hopelessly envisaged and executed that you wonder what kind of lost logic Devgan was operating on while drawing up the framework. The movie is basically about Devgan and Kajol’s on-cruise love story followed up with how he handles her Alzheimer’s illness. Sorry for such a short synopsis. Because this is all there is worth understanding or even contemplating understanding.

The applause for this movie goes out to three principal characters – a lizard, a moth and a long-haired lamebrain who tries to name Ajay and Kajol’s new-born child with a certain F word but should inherently be called by that word himself. The lizard and the moth left Kajol dumbstruck in her apartment which consequently led to the drowning of her child who was then miraculously saved by Ajay, with some help from their pet Labrador.

In short, when romance, idiocy and Alzheimer’s (with the bonus day) combine, then this is the end product. Apunkachoice.com sums it all up with these gems from their review.

I have not yet seen Ajay Devgan act better in any other film.

I guess this was Devgan’s debut movie then. As an actor even.

Above all, it is a touching, moving tale that will change something inside you and make you a better companion

Undoubtedly, I made the mistake of “touching” it and now I’m “moving” away from any kind of positive appraisal that I can offer. And what it has changed inside me is that I pity the kind of exploitation that we undergo every Friday (with a few exceptions once in a while).

May God bless our brains.

Of free colour TVs, a Supreme Court verdict and item numbers

With the Congress hell bent on capturing Karnataka and the BJP equally pumped up in forming the new government, the upcoming state polls could be a prelude to the Assembly elections next year. Offering free colour televisions to families below the poverty line and ever-increasing-in-price rice at Rs. 2 per kg can be seen as moves to draw votes from the poor.

“We are running out of time, we needed to come out with something that will help us win back our traditional votes.”

Words of a Congress worker. Enough said.

Meanwhile, Arjun Singh emerges as the winner in the general Indian youth vs. OBC Quotas saga. The HRD minister said he felt vindicated at the Supreme Court’s decision to retain 27% reservations in educational institutions. The only reprieve for the much-mobilized youth is that the creamy layer in the OBCs becomes a part of the General quota. Now that you really can’t do anything about it let’s hope that the ones who do take advantage of the reservations come good.

Another move aimed at the masses comes from Hindi cinema. The concept of marketing movies has been taken to a new level with the upcoming Krazzy 4 featuring three item numbers, two from males. The buzz generated by these songs has been immense and it is certain that the movie will effortlessly complete the business it expects to do, if not do more.

No honking please.

Inflation, the UPA and 76 runs

Facing heavy pressure from the Left and the BJP, the UPA government has finally taken steps to reduce a high-speed increase in prices of food products. Inflation touched 6.68% last week, but there is clearly a global food crisis. Bumper stocks have fallen and the UN has warned the world that 36 nations face an impending food shortage. Rice and wheat are the worst hit, with prices at an all-time high.

The UPA is facing a critical phase in national politics, which will test its decision-making abilities and crisis management skills. Problems with the BJP regarding the Kandahar issue are surfacing and their Hisaab Maango campaign to get Uttar Pradesh chief minister Mayawati talking about corrupt activities in the state will add more pressure, if nothing else. This certainly won’t help the Congress in their election bid for the upcoming Assembly polls, although evidently they are targetting exactly that.

On par with such problems was a dreadful display by India on Day 1 of the second Test match against South Africa at Motera, Ahmedabad. Being bowled out for a measly 76 runs (the team’s second lowest score ever while playing in India) left me and one billion others shell-shocked as the batsmen collapsed dramatically, and in a way that wipes out all recent successes from memory.

You can’t say that the match is over, at least out of hope in this very formidable, experienced batting line-up which is more than capable of posting huge totals. But the fall down definitely gives the visitors the advantage and it’s up to them to make the most of what happened today. Harbhajan Singh called it the worst day of his career. For me, it was the third worst Indian showing after the 2007 World Cup debacle and the 54/all out against Sri Lanka in Sharjah 8 years ago.

Scary stuff. But it ain’t over till it’s over.