India’s definitive priority list


[Warning: The list is LONG]

1. IPL

2. Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?

3. Shah Rukh Khan, Rakhee Sawant & The Great Khali

4. MTV Roadies
Note: F!#@ Y%#, B%*^&, F!#@ Y%#. F!#@ Y%# more.

5. Exclusive Bollywood gupshup
Note: Zoom TV usually does the honours of providing us with priceless news from tinsel town, but the role is now being shared by most “national” news channels, newspapers and other news-givers.

6. More Bollywood gupshup
Note: Filmfare and Cineblitz are selling like hot cakes as inflation can never affect these and they are a vital part of the common man’s diet.

7. BREAKING NEWS, NAYI KHABAR, SANSANI KHEZ
Note: The caring, benevolent, truth-speaking and absolutely adorable media.

8. Star Plus and the emotionally-charged homecoming of the Old Tulsi

9. Kareena Kapoor’s bikini, Shahid Kapoor-Vidya Balan, Anil Kapoor’s Tashan and other Kapoors

10. Comedy Circus (TV Show)
Note: This also includes Lok Sabha’s recent “Dark Hour” but apparently girls don’t find Somnath Chatterjee as sexy as Arbaaz Khan.
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45224. Elections 2009

45225. Countering terrorism

45226. Inflation

45227. National Security

45228. Tackling corruption, communalism, regionalism, poverty, health problems and other ills

45229. Respecting the dead

Among other things

Inflation hits an all-time high of 7.83% among other things.

Hindu children are forced to wear turbans in Punjabi schools among other things.

The Gods create havoc in Kerala among other things.

The Indian hockey team does a few good things in Malaysia among other things.

The Great Khali is set to team up with a new tag team partner, Bollywood, among other things.

Aamir Khan takes a dig at Shah Rukh Khan on his blog among other things.

And our dear old friend Terror had a multi-cuisine breakfast, satiating lunch and a pleasing dinner at 7 places in Jaipur. Terror loves India, you know. He finds it really easy to smuggle into our country, have fun, create noise, turmoil, chaos, disorder and of course take a few lives in the process that nobody dare care about in a country that takes immense pride in it’s callousness to such events. We are conceitedly weak and foolishness comes naturally to us because we will never understand the need for SEPARATE LAWS to tackle Terror.

He is waiting to come back and he knows we will welcome him with open arms as national security is something that neither us or the decision makers holding important posts at the top of the country’s administrative set-up care about…

…among other things.

From Pink to Red

7 blasts, 60 dead, terror strikes the Pink City of Jaipur and life goes on. Another typical we-are-united-in-adversity response from the UPA government. There is no doubt that terrorists targeting India have it easier than other countries because of democracy’s fallacies and India’s soft-hearted response to every attack on the mainland.

Terrorism’s latest episode was smartly planned and executed and targeted a city that has never seen such kind of ensuing chaos and despair. Being a hotbed of Indian tourism, Jaipur was always thought to be a city safe from such dastardly, inhuman acts and was never on the priority list of India’s probable targets.

We, the people, meanwhile continue to remain unfazed by this bloodbath as we have done so for many previous attacks. We live on. The cold war is being smartly played by cross-border foes who have now praised India’s response and are trying to assert their “friendship” on us. Let’s just hope we send a message sooner rather than later. Vulnerability, complacency and the feel of defenselessness are eating us from within.

May God bless the victims and their kin.

Global food crisis – An analysis by George Bush

How George Bush served two terms of presidency of the United States of America is something I can never comprehend completely. He basically comes across as a poor decision-maker, lacks crisis management skills and is a source of inspiration to people interested in garbling up English grammar for general use [Wikiquote link]. Or even fun.

His latest gems come out in the form of an analysis of the world’s food crisis and squarely laying the blame on India’s middle class. This follows a similar allegation from his top diplomat Condoleezza Rice, who had earlier asked India and China to “eat less”. While speaking in Missouri, Bush has stated:-

…the more prosperous the world is, the more opportunity there is.

Why yes of course, sir. Quote of a genius. Please carry on.

So, for example, just as an interesting thought for you, there are 350 million people in India who are classified as middle class. That’s bigger than America. Their middle class is larger than our entire population.

So the context of his speech seems like a dig at how Americans are probably running dry (pun intended). And definitely, the thought is immensely interesting. Like there was nothing more interesting. Next please, Mr. President.

And when you start getting wealth, you start demanding better nutrition and better food. And so demand is high, and that causes the price to go up…

Wow. If ever I was too smart myself to analyze the world food crisis, I’d definitely say that the rise of the Indian middle class is to be blamed for it. How can we demand better nutrition? We are a third world country with absolutely no rights to better food.

So what if we don’t use our maize fields for bio-fuels to serve energy problems over food deficiencies. It makes sense diverting agricultural fields from food to ethanol production. Doesn’t it, Mr. President? And he replies.

No contest. We’re an unbelievably compassionate nation.

Thanks for your time, Mr. Bush. You are truly great. Apart from your diplomatic and leadership skills, you can see through covered binocular lenses. No ordinary man can do that. [Picture courtesy: Humor Vids]

Inspiring.