Epic IPL Personalities: Alternative Career Options


In today’s IPL special, this blog suggests that the good people on screen in the IPL consider these career options for better success in their lives.

NITA AMBANI – PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 LEAD STAR

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The Queen of the Ambani household (wait, is that Kokilaben? ahh! who cares!) should forego her current job as ‘Official Mumbai Indians Staring Device’ and take the lead role in Paranormal Activity 2. Yes, the horror flick’s roles are just being cast and it seems the producers are keen on signing up Mrs. Ambani for their epic.

mukesh
If Mrs. Ambani wants her real-life husband, Mukesh, to also play the reel-life role (and because he seems pretty capable as seen above), then we should allow that. If not for the movie’s sake, at least for Mumbai Indians’ sake. But one wonders how the crew will be able to film the scene where a completely possessed Nita might have to fling beer-belly Mukesh at the camera. Anyway, they’ll do something I hope. They can always fake the scene and throw a huge Toysaurus toy bear at the camera!

AYUSHMANN KHURRANA – DOG FOOD TESTER

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SuperMan AyushMann should leave bumble-jumble commentary, where he makes more mistakes than a 1st-grade toddler learning Primarily Primary English Course 1, and test dog food for a change.

Yes, the Dog Party of India (DPI) is indeed delighted to have an official tester. The whole community responded with a night-full of barking, with street dogs leading the way.

DPI leader Bhaukta Kutta has said in the media that they didn’t entirely trust the dog food doing the rounds in the market. As it is an industry run by humans, DPI has stated that they want human testers. And who better than numb nut Ayushmann Khurrana! With the number of extra letters in his name, you’d really sound like a dog barking if you took his name every now and then.

ayushmann2
Ayushmann is apparently licking his fingers at the prospect of licking dog food. That’s healthy enthusiasm for a new career!

LALIT KUMAR MODI – SNAKE MILKER

Lalit Kumar Modi. The man who milked India (and the entire cricket world) for money, should now give a hand at milking snakes. Maybe, he can save lives if he takes the venom out of snakes. Given his penchant for milking, Modi might prove to be a revolutionary in the Snake Milking business (and hopefully get poisoned for good himself!).

lalitmodi3
LK Modi was smug (see reaction in pic above) when asked about milking snakes. In typical fashion, he stated that he can milk the hell out of anything. Wonder what will happen when Modi comes face to face with this little one below. Should be an epic clash!

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Meanwhile, the snakes are waiting to be milked, Mr. Modi. Hope you return in time for IPL 4!

NAVJOT SINGH SIDHU – PIG MASSEUSE

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This speech-marathon-winning ex-cricketer thinks he can make us laugh. And he can sometimes. But he is best left to massaging street pigs of all shapes and sizes. If nothing, pig grunts will make Sidhu  way more happier than the dull audience reaction he gets from us.

His saliva glands (which are operating at super-low reserve petrol level) can breathe a sigh of relief too, as Sidhu is more likely to make only maniacal hand gestures when massaging pigs’ noses and bottoms than those lip/mouth ones. Apparently, the pigs are excited at this potential new industry, coming up in their rather dull lives. Post-Swine Flu, things have been very quiet. And with Sidhuji leading the way, all we can say is – Bada Changaa Hai Jee!!

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Notice to Pigs: Congratulations! Sidhuji has opened shop. Now, take a look at Sidhuji’s hands for potential Sidhu-Flu causing germs. You’ve been warned.

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OH BOY!! They are queuing up. First-come-first-serve, dudes and dudettes!!

To Be Continued… 🙂

PS: I have no alternative career, sadly. But you can follow me on Twitter for random nonsense. Or visit my other blog, for a change.

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