Public toilets. Dog toilets. All toilets.
No matter how much ever you spit at them in disgust (err, figuratively I mean) or frown at the ridiculously dirty ‘sanitation centres’ that India has, you have to accept that you can’t ignore them. But of course, you can’t. And the only way you can ‘Like’ them is if they had a Facebook page of their own. Even then, maybe not.
The Commonwealth Games, set to begin anytime in Delhi, are a perfect example of our utterly disgusting toilet habits. And now the whole freaking world knows our flush systems work as well as Uday Chopra in a movie on Mahatma Gandhi. The entire planet knows our ‘superpower’ talk is nothing but the talk of how ‘superpowerful’ the smells in our toilets are. Mutually assured death and destruction.
Even though we can serve good food, we offer no outlet to take out the rejected contents of that food. Once you enjoy your food, you will have a stray dog welcoming you while gladly taking a dump on the same bed you will be sleeping in. The Express rightly calls it Brown Terrorism. Although, there are a variety of colors. But I can sense you might just screw your computer with vomit on reading all this, so I shall stop.
What we need is a revolution. History speaks of the great independence movements, rebellions and uprisings that brought about change. But today, none of those may be particularly helpful when it comes to cleaner toilets and better hygiene. We need a Toilet Revolution. Change of habits, change of hygiene (for the better, of course), change of public health systems and pretty much a change of everything (including clothes with stains of excreta).
Do this one small little thing right. And defer infamy on this country, like how the good men handling the Babri Masjid case did. IF you have a toilet and IF it has a flush, then flush till all the contents are flushed.
2. Lift up the toilet seat
Lift the toilet seat. Simple. Lift after use. Lift. Like Bollywood actors lift the country’s consciousness by offering quality cinema. Okay, not like that. But life the toilet seat. If a dump is being taken on a railway track, then kindly do not misunderstand this advise and unshackle the track holders. This is only for toilet seats.
3. Avoid toilet humour
If you think physical toilets cause the maximum damage, then you must know that there is an entire section of toilet humour where spitting and shitting takes place in an area best left for more useful things. The brain.
4. Clear little potty bits
The next step to cleaner toilets is removal of all stains. Ensuring removal of all stains, you might say, is like an IPL event without Lalit Modi’s theatrics and Ravindra Jadeja’s batting. But this is a personal toilet where you need not gleefully smile at leaving behind stains for the next user, but removing them yourself. With water, of course.
Again. Don’t forget. If you remember now that you haven’t flushed off the last use, kindly head back.
Let us bring change. Not of the type that MS Gill brings to India’s sports set-up or Shibu Soren brings to Beard Studies, though.
[If this post gave you the Ugh-Yuck feeling, then please feel free to let any consequent outrage out in the comments section below, or on Twitter]